feeling fine. the last 2 months of my life feel like a deconstruction of everything ive been through in a bit. feels more like a tearing and clawing then a philosophical deconstruction though. it seems to me like everything i had managed to obtain since the "fresh start" of highschool has been taken from me, and its really nobody's fault but mine. some feelings i put away or passions i dismissed are coming back to bite me. i wont lie, this has been the shitiest, most tiring period of my life and it feels like in the marathon of adolescence, ive thoroughly busted my own knees right before the finish line. i don't know how i'll come back from this, but i will. i need to.

anyways uhhh you might wonder what the name locustphobia actually means. like many great names it started out because i thought it was cool, but getting a bit more pretentious i like it because of the symbolism of it. locusts are usually seen as vermin and lay waste to the world they inhabit. locust phobia is a fear of that, the fear of the man who will despair because of it, and the fear the locust itseft feels, towards its nature and labeled function. locust also is a bit more niche for an insect pest, i really couldnt use moth without it sounding lame or generic no matter how hard i tried. pretty surface level name i know, but kinda adds to the charm of it right?

another reason for this website being made in the first place, as well as writing something as foreboding as a digital journal for the whole world to see (2 ppl max), is that currently i have lost all sense of direction. the crossroads are foggy and fork more often than before. worse yet i am on borowed time, but im sure ill light a path through somehow.